As Christmas fast approaches, here are my top five tips for successful co-parenting over the festive period.
Agree plans early
Hopefully by now you and your co-parent have agreed arrangements for Christmas and New Year. If you haven’t – start the discussion now. You do not want to leave all the planning (including travel and timings) until the week before Christmas. Not only will this cause you and your co-parent stress, but your children will want to know what is happening too so they can look forward to it.
Co-ordinate the presents
Both of you will want to get your children the presents they would like the most. Try to share the presents between you so that your children can enjoy presents from both parents equally, rather than feeling there is competition between their parents. You could ask your child to write a letter to Santa so you know what they want, and then divvy up the presents between you. That way, your child will enjoy presents from both of you.
Plan for delays
There may be a whole host of things in your way this Christmas; with rail strikes, bad weather and the standard Christmas traffic all vying to make you late for handover. Make sure that you factor in potential delays to your journey so that you arrive on time, whether that’s to pick up the children or drop them off. Despite your best efforts, sometimes being late is unavoidable. If you know that you’re going to be late (and when it safe to do so), notify your co-parent so that they know when to expect you.
Encourage the relationship
Regardless of what you think of your ex-partner and co-parent, your child has a bond with them. That relationship is important for the child’s welfare and sense of self, and they will benefit from a good relationship with both their parents. You can help with this by encouraging your child to see their other parent and reassuring them that they will have a great time and that you will see them again soon. You can also let them know what plans you have while they are away, so they don’t worry about you. Your child may want to talk about their time at their other parent’s house or the presents they have received there; try to remain positive and genuinely interested in what they have to say. This will strengthen your bond with them too.
Make it special
Remember that Christmas is a magical time of year for children. They don’t want to see their loved ones fighting or being mean to each other. Nor do they want to feel guilty about seeing the other parent or their extended family over Christmas. They want to enjoy time with their friends and family, eat lots of delights and open lots of exciting presents. Try and keep that Christmas spirit alive for them by being civil and respectful to your co-parent throughout (and after) the holidays, both in front of the children and when they aren’t around.
Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas!