FAQs | Frequently asked questions

When you are going through a separation or divorce, you will always have lots of questions that need answers. Below are a some that our clients frequently ask. But please contact us if your question isn't answered here or on any of the pages on the website.

How can I stop my ex harassing me on social media?

Stalking or harassment is extremely unpleasant and cruel behaviour that causes upset and distress. Social media now means that harassment can take many forms and your online safety is paramount. From hacked accounts to identity theft, from malicious use of your photos to direct threats, the law is able to help you in a number of ways.

Report the harassment to the police. It is a criminal offence for someone to harass you or to put you in fear of violence. Depending upon the circumstances, there are various criminal offences your ex may have committed and these carry maximum penalties of unlimited fines or 12 months in prison. The offences cover the use of social media to send threats or grossly offensive messages.

As you were in a relationship with your ex, you can apply for a non-molestation injunction in the family courts which can prevent your ex from contacting you. If your ex breaks the injunction you can report this to the police and the police can then take action against your ex.

Block your ex on social networks or report them. Try to get evidence of the harassment by making copies of any threatening online conversations. If blocking your ex doesn't stop them, you can contact your internet service provider (ISP), showing them any evidence you've managed to collect to help them investigate the situation. You can take action against the social media website itself or the ISP but this is not always straightforward.

Practically, make sure you restrict your social media posts to your friends, check your privacy settings on your social media accounts, don’t use the same password for everything and be aware of geo-location and tagging on social networking sites (and how to disable it on your devices).

If you are being harassed by your ex on social media and need advice as to what action you can take, then the experienced family law team at Mills & Reeve will be able to help you.
What is parental alienation?

Parental alienation exists when a child, without any good reason, rejects one parent completely. Most often (although not always) this rejection follows the child’s parents separating. The rejection is spurred on by one parent (the alienating parent) and results in the complete relationship breakdown between the child and other parent (the alienated parent). It is very different to a child who turns against a parent because of genuine harm or abuse.

Once a child is alienated from a parent, it is a long road to help them to recover. It is important for parents to remember that children see themselves as a part of each parent. If one parent is denigrated without good reason, it can affect a child’s self-esteem and lifelong outcomes.

Here at Mills & Reeve, our team of specialist children lawyers have experience of supporting parents who have been alienated from a child. We work with professional support networks to support you through the process of helping to undo any alienating actions brought about by your ex.
What can I do to protect my children from our arguments?
There are very few separations between parents that are entirely argument or conflict free. Moving from a family in which two parents live together, then deciding to separate and ultimately moving on independently from each other whilst continuing to co-parent effectively and support your children takes time, commitment and a willingness to work together.

Here are our five top suggestions for working through this difficult time.
- Always put your children first in any discussions you have with your ex about ongoing arrangements. It might be helpful to write down how you feel, how your ex feels and how you think your children might feel if asked.
- Don’t discuss issues in front of your children. Arrange a time that is convenient for you and your ex to talk away from them. When discussing issues that need to be sorted out, think about the short, medium and long term consequences of the decisions you are making. This can help keep issues in perspective. Provided it is safe, children need both of you to be there for them.
- If you cannot agree on a particular point, try to come up with three or four potential solutions. Try not to view it as your position versus your ex’s. Often, if you draw up a list of alternatives, a solution will present itself that is acceptable both to you as parents and, more importantly, is in your children’s best interests and that they will be happy with.
- Try to remain positive about your ex, regardless of your personal feelings. Children naturally see part of their identity as being based on their parents and will take criticism of a parent personally. If you bad-mouth your ex, you may find your children taking that criticism on board themselves, which in turn will affect their self-esteem and feelings of well-being.
- If it is proving difficult to agree things directly, don’t let the parenting relationship break down altogether. Instead seek out some professional support. There are many types of support available to help parents to work towards arrangements that suit the whole family and place the children’s needs first. For example, mediation could be suitable for you. Or you could attend a Separated Parents Information Programme, a course that helps you identify what your children need during and after your separation or divorce.
Can my ex change their mind about our financial agreement?

Until the court makes an order, any financial agreement between divorcing couples is not legally binding. It is not uncommon for one spouse to agree to a financial settlement, only then to have a change of heart a few days, weeks or even months later. If you find yourself in this situation, all is not lost – depending on the circumstances it might ultimately be very difficult for your ex to go back on an agreement but you may need to go to court to get it sorted.

The extent to which your ex will be held to the terms of an agreement will depend upon a number of factors. These include the nature of the agreement, whether you both have had the opportunity to take legal advice and whether the terms of the agreement will meet both of your reasonable financial needs.

It is helpful if there is clear evidence that an agreement was reached. Written evidence (including text messages and emails) is preferable, otherwise you could find yourself in a game of “your word against theirs.”

Assuming an agreement has been reached, the court then has to look at whether it should be upheld or enforced. The court looks at various factors, including whether there has been any undue influence or duress which put pressure on one of you to enter into the agreement (if the court finds this, then the agreement will be unfair and won’t be enforced), whether either of you has already acted on or implemented the terms, as well as the legal advice you took during the negotiations.

Finally, the court will look at the fairness of the terms reached. In ordinary financial proceedings, the main focus for the court is ensuring that each person’s reasonable financial needs are met. A court does not require an agreement to result in a 50/50 share of the assets, but it will conduct a “sense check” to ensure that it’s not obviously unfair, because, for example, it leaves one of you struggling to meet your needs while the other walks away from the relationship with the lion’s share of the assets.

If your ex has changed their mind about your financial agreement, legal advice is essential and the experienced team at Mills & Reeve will be able to advise you on your options.
What if we don't agree on medical treatment for our child?
The law only requires one parent with parental responsibility to provide consent for medical treatment for a child. However, in practice, where parents both have parental responsibility but don’t agree, a doctor is unlikely to want to go against one parent’s express wishes. So how can this situation be resolved?
- Talk. Remember that the best interests of your child comes first, whatever conflict may be taking place between you and your ex. Try and take the time to each listen to each other’s viewpoints and seek the expert opinion of the clinician involved. Remember that health professionals are only concerned with the welfare of your child. Mediation may be a useful tool to help you and your ex to communicate more effectively and work towards an agreement.
- Involve your child. In some cases, a child under the age of 16 may be considered competent to consent to medical treatment provided they have the intelligence and understanding to appreciate what the medical treatment will involve.
- If you and your ex are still unable to reach a consensus, then the decision may have to be taken by the doctor caring for your child. This could well involve a court application meaning the court will make the decision based on what is in your child’s best interests. Particularly if the dispute is over an elective procedure (for example, circumcision for religious purposes) then a doctor will not proceed with the procedure without a court order.
However, in an emergency, and where treatment is time critical and waiting to obtain consent would place your child at risk, remember that medical treatment can proceed without consent from either you or your ex.
What is a MIAM?

“MIAM” stands for mediation information assessment meeting. Contrary to its name, it’s an opportunity for those contemplating court action to learn about all of the non-court dispute resolution approaches, not just mediation, in a bid to avoid expensive and confrontational litigation which does little to support separating families.

If you are thinking about starting court proceedings (or at the receiving end of an application brought by your ex), don’t be scared of attending a MIAM. All non-court dispute resolution approaches are voluntary, so attendance will not mean you will be forced to mediate or prevent you from starting court proceedings at a later date. MIAMs can be arranged quickly and can even be undertaken by Skype or FaceTime!
What happens if my ex breaches a child arrangements order?
What can you do if the court has made a child arrangements order (CAO) relating to your child but your ex is not complying with it?

First, remember that a CAO is legally binding. Attached to each order is a “warning notice” which sets out what the court can do when someone is not complying with the order. This includes finding that person in contempt of court which could lead to, fining them, making them undertake unpaid work,ordering them to pay financial compensation or even sentencing them to prison.

If you feel that your ex has not complied with the terms of a CAO, you can apply to the court to enforce the order. The first thing the judge will do is check whether you and your ex agree the facts about the alleged breach. If you don’t, there may need to be an extra hearing to deal with that. Once the judge knows what the facts are, they will consider why the order has not been complied with. They will involve CAFCASS if necessary.

If the judge finds that there has been no “reasonable excuse” for your ex not to comply with the order, then any of the following might happen:
- order you and your ex are ordered to attend a Separated Parents Information Programme
- the existing CAO is varied – if the order is no longer working, the court will try and adjust it so that it can work
- an enforcement order is made for your ex to undertake unpaid work – this only usually happens if CAFCASS recommend your ex for this and can show that unpaid work is available
- your ex is ordered to pay compensation
- your ex is sentenced to a short stay in prison or
- a fine is imposed on your ex.
There are many reasons why arrangements under a CAO might break down. If you find yourself in a situation where a CAO is no longer working, don’t simply ignore the order. Go back to the court, explain what is not working and ask the court to help you and your ex come to a new arrangement. The children law specialists at Mills & Reeve can guide you through this process.
What is a non-marriage?
Where two people take part in a ceremony that purports to be a marriage, that ceremony can give rise to a valid marriage, a voidable marriage, a void marriage or a non-marriage.

A non-marriage is one that has no legal status.As non-marriages are not recognised in the eyes of the law, it is not possible to apply for a divorce or to bring financial claims when it breaks down.

A marriage performed within a play or a television programme is a common example of a non-marriage; however, there are other ceremonies and events that give rise to non-marriages. The following have been considered non-marriages by the courts:
- religious ceremonies intended to be blessings only
- ceremonies where one person is led to believe it is an engagement only
- ceremonies that take place over the telephone and
- a gathering at a flat where the couple entered into a religious agreement that allowed them to live together and have children.
The factors taken into account by a court when deciding whether a ceremony gives rise to a non-marriage are:
- whether the ceremony or event set out or purported to be a lawful marriage
- whether it bore all or enough of the “hallmarks” of marriage
- whether the key participants (in particular the official performing the ceremony) believed, intended and understood the ceremony as giving rise to a lawful marriage and
- the reasonable perceptions, understandings and beliefs of those attending the ceremony.
The distinction between a non-marriage and a void marriage is crucial because a couple in a void marriage can apply to the court for a declaration that the marriage is void, get an order annulling the marriage and apply for financial orders just as if they were getting divorced.

If you find yourself facing this situation and need advice about what to do next, the experienced family lawyers at Mills & Reeve will be able to help you.